Monday, March 22, 2010

MUSIC ARTISTS WHO SHOULD HAVE A REALITY TV SHOW - By Teddy Roundhouse

Reality shows nowadays are unavoidable - they flood television stations, media, and social conversations. Just as one reality show seems to end, another five begin to air. With music-inspired reality shows such as The Flavor of Love and Rock of Love ending (just add 'of love' to the end and find a heartbroken musician and you're ready to go) it's about time for new musician-based reality shows. With that, I present to you FIVE MUSIC ARTISTS WHO NEED A REALITY SHOW:


ROKY ERICKSON


Who is he?: Roky Erickson began as the lead singer for the 13th Floor Elevators and pioneered the psychedelic rock genre. Roky was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and sent to a psychiatric hospital, where he involuntarily received electroconvulsive (shock treatment) therapy. Once being released from the hospital several years later, he began a solo project inpsired by his love of horror films. Almost a decade later he was convinced aliens were going to come down and harm him - to the point where he hired a lawyer to make a legal document saying that he was himself an alien, in the hope they'd leave him alone.

Idea for show: The Alien Whisperer. Think you're going to be abducted by aliens? Don't have a good enough lawyer to help you prove you're one of them? Call Roky. He'll come to your house and let those aliens know what's up.

Co-Starring: Gary Busey.



LEMMY


Who is he?: If you're a guy and don't know who Lemmy is, put down that tropical wine cooler and grow a pair. Lemmy is the lead singer of the legendary metal band Motorhead. His diet consists of speed and whiskey, and he has a full time job: being awesome. Did I mention he's a living sex legend? Well, that seems like a given.

Idea for show: Lemmy of Love. Lemmy finds men who simply cannot pick up at the bar. He then shows them the art of being awesome, all while making them get drunk off of Jack and Cokes and downing speed. Will they succeed and go home with their dream lady of the night? Only time will tell.

Co-Starring: Gene Simmons.


MEAT LOAF


Who is he?: Meat Loaf, born Marvin Lee Aday, is a musician and actor. Selling over 40 million albums and starring in over 50 movies and television shows isn't exactly a small-time thing. Also, Marvin has had some constant run-ins with near-death experiences. He survived a horrible car crash, got hit in the head with a shot put, caught Wolff-Parking-White-syndrome, and recently, his private jet had to make an emergency landing when the forward landing gear gave out.

Idea for show: Try to Live with Loaf. Basically you're put in real life-or-death situations with your new pal Meatloaf. Think you can survive getting hit in the head with a shot put? Find out.

Co-Starring: Samuel L. Jackson. I just think if he was at the sidelines screaming at the contestant it would be better in every way possible.


JAY-Z


Who is he?: Seriously, how does this guy not have his own reality show already? Jay-Z is one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America with a net worth of over $500 million dollars. Not to mention he has sold 40 million albums world wide, co-owns the New Jersey Nets, and is the creator of Rocawear. No big deal.

Idea for show: Jay-Z is Cray-Z. He just has too much money. It's impossible to spend it all in a lifetime, but damn it, he's going to try. Watch Jay-Z drink a lot of expensive alcohol and go out on ridiculous spending sprees. Ever seen a private jet filled with caviar, strippers, and trampolines? Jay probably has.

Co-Starring: Me.


VANILLA ICE


Who is he?: Who cares? He had one hit and now hates himself for it. http://yeahoyeah.com/video.aspx?id=1158

Idea for show: Very Vanilla. Basically Jersey Shore, Intervention, and Newly Weds (Jessica Simpsons' show) all put into one. Watch as Vanilla apologizes to people, lives off of no money, and strikes out with girls.

Co-Starring: Katy Perry. Naked. I don't see why else anyone would want to watch it. Or maybe Marmaduke.


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