MUSIC ARTISTS WHO SHOULD HAVE A REALITY TV SHOW - By Teddy Roundhouse

Reality shows nowadays are unavoidable - they flood television stations, media, and social conversations. Just as one reality show seems to end, another five begin to air. With music-inspired reality shows such as The Flavor of Love and Rock of Love ending (just add 'of love' to the end and find a heartbroken musician and you're ready to go) it's about time for new musician-based reality shows. With that, I present to you FIVE MUSIC ARTISTS WHO NEED A REALITY SHOW:


ROKY ERICKSON


Who is he?: Roky Erickson began as the lead singer for the 13th Floor Elevators and pioneered the psychedelic rock genre. Roky was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and sent to a psychiatric hospital, where he involuntarily received electroconvulsive (shock treatment) therapy. Once being released from the hospital several years later, he began a solo project inpsired by his love of horror films. Almost a decade later he was convinced aliens were going to come down and harm him - to the point where he hired a lawyer to make a legal document saying that he was himself an alien, in the hope they'd leave him alone.

Idea for show: The Alien Whisperer. Think you're going to be abducted by aliens? Don't have a good enough lawyer to help you prove you're one of them? Call Roky. He'll come to your house and let those aliens know what's up.

Co-Starring: Gary Busey.


LEMMY


Who is he?: If you're a guy and don't know who Lemmy is, put down that tropical wine cooler and grow a pair. Lemmy is the lead singer of the legendary metal band Motorhead. His diet consists of speed and whiskey, and he has a full time job: being awesome. Did I mention he's a living sex legend? Well, that seems like a given.

Idea for show: Lemmy of Love. Lemmy finds men who simply cannot pick up at the bar. He then shows them the art of being awesome, all while making them get drunk off of Jack and Cokes and downing speed. Will they succeed and go home with their dream lady of the night? Only time will tell.

Co-Starring: Gene Simmons.


MEAT LOAF


Who is he?: Meat Loaf, born Marvin Lee Aday, is a musician and actor. Selling over 40 million albums and starring in over 50 movies and television shows isn't exactly a small-time thing. Also, Marvin has had some constant run-ins with near-death experiences. He survived a horrible car crash, got hit in the head with a shot put, caught Wolff-Parking-White-syndrome, and recently, his private jet had to make an emergency landing when the forward landing gear gave out.

Idea for show: Try to Live with Loaf. Basically you're put in real life-or-death situations with your new pal Meatloaf. Think you can survive getting hit in the head with a shot put? Find out.

Co-Starring: Samuel L. Jackson. I just think if he was at the sidelines screaming at the contestant it would be better in every way possible.


JAY-Z


Who is he?: Seriously, how does this guy not have his own reality show already? Jay-Z is one of the most financially successful hip hop artists and entrepreneurs in America with a net worth of over $500 million dollars. Not to mention he has sold 40 million albums world wide, co-owns the New Jersey Nets, and is the creator of Rocawear. No big deal.

Idea for show: Jay-Z is Cray-Z. He just has too much money. It's impossible to spend it all in a lifetime, but damn it, he's going to try. Watch Jay-Z drink a lot of expensive alcohol and go out on ridiculous spending sprees. Ever seen a private jet filled with caviar, strippers, and trampolines? Jay probably has.

Co-Starring: Me.


VANILLA ICE


Who is he?: Who cares? He had one hit and now hates himself for it. http://yeahoyeah.com/video.aspx?id=1158

Idea for show: Very Vanilla. Basically Jersey Shore, Intervention, and Newly Weds (Jessica Simpsons' show) all put into one. Watch as Vanilla apologizes to people, lives off of no money, and strikes out with girls.

Co-Starring: Katy Perry. Naked. I don't see why else anyone would want to watch it. Or maybe Marmaduke.

BLACKROC REVIEW - Posted by Victor "Vic" De Zen

Everybody who thought that hip hop is dead (thank you NaS for making that hip hop quotable what it is today), probably just can't stand the hip hop that has been dominating the modern era. In a sense you can't really blame them. The "soul" the "essence" and creativity seem to have taken a back seat for what's mainstream, from a lyrical standpoint, or lack thereof, (yes we all heard you Method Man) or from a production stand point (I curse the day auto-tunes was created). So imagine my surprise when I stumble upon "hip hop salvation" so to speak, from a blues rock band based out of Ohio called The Black Keys.




It's strange how this came about. I was watching a link at yeahoyeah.com with this rather obscure band talking to Dame Dash. Dame Dash of all people.


Now for those that don't know Dame Dash, you can thank this man for the dominance of the most popular hip hop mogul to date Jay-Z. He opened the door for him and in the fifteen or more years he's been in the game, I have not seen Dame Dash deal with any artist that isn't well known. But, when you have a history of building up one of the greatest of all time from the ground up, you demand to be listened to. Which is what The Black Keys were doing. They listened and they heeded his word. and from that the collaboration that created the album Blakroc was born.

Despite the blues/rock sound from The Black Keys, this is not a reason to sleep on this album. This is a solid HIP HOP album. Why wouldn't it be? Given the fact blues and rock is a part of hip hops ever expanding origins. Blakroc boasts some of the best names hip hop has ever brought forth in the game. And there in lies the genius of this project. It's not just an album where the band got any artist Dame can get his hands on. For each track Dame suggested individuals he thought would meet the tracks' criteria. Most notably Mos Def who has made it clear he has been an absolute fan of the rock group for some time now. I would have to say he fit the tracks he was on more than other artists on the album. "On the Vista" displayed his lyrical talents in an appropriate way as well as his vocals. His vocals were more prominent in "Aint Nothin Like You". This song invokes a mood in me that wants to go to a blues club with a pint of Guinness in hand and just sit and reflect.

Then there's Jim Jones who collaborates with Mos Def on this track. Jim Jones has come a long way, lyrically, from his early days with Cam Ron and it shows on this album. If this was four years ago and you were to tell me that Jim Jones was to be on the same track as Mos Def, I would have asked "why does Jim Jones want to embarrass himself like that?" But he really displays a lyrical talent that, while still needs work in my eyes, is really reflective and deep. This is something that is slowly becoming a rarity in today's current form of hip hop music. He goes at it again later in the album in what became my favourite song "What you do to me" alongside M.O.P. member Billy Danze who comes enthusiastically hard as he always does.

Other highlights for this album were tracks that boasted the affiliate of Jim Jones, Noe. The two tracks Noe were on, "Hard Times" and "Done did it" really give you a sense of this up and comers talent. Wu-Tang Clan was featured heavily on this album with a track that included Raekwon, "Stay off the F**ckin Flowers", and two from Rza "Dollaz and Sense" and "Tellin me Things I don't want to hear".


Black Keys produced a track called "Coochie" which featured the vocals of the late Ol' Dirty Bastard as well as Ludacris and I have to say, if there was ever a low point in the album it was this. Ludacris just doesn't fit the chemistry of the entire album and Dirty's vocals over the Black Keys production just don't go right together. If this is the only complaint I have though, it's not much as this track is still decent regardless.

If this is the direction Dame Dash is headed towards, I am onboard for this journey. Despite the rocky dispute that ended his 10 year partnership with Jay-Z and Jay-Z's continued success WITHOUT Dame, you still have to respect the man with the credentials he has under his belt. And if he going to be the "saviour" for hip hop music that doesn't suck, if he wants to be known for no longer being affiliated with "whack" music, namely mainstream artists, then I'm all for it.