EDGAR WRIGHT: A DIRECTOR WHO DOESN'T SUCK - by van der Sweet

Even if you've been living in a hole underneath a rock on another planet for the past decade, you're probably still aware of Edgar Wright's existence. The British director has delivered some of the finest comedies to the big screen within the last six or so years and with his latest directorial effort "Scott Pilgrim vs The World", he doesn't look like he'll be stopping any time soon.

You'll surely recognize Edgar Wright's trademark directing. His fast action-style editing including whip-pans, crash-zooms and clever transitions have been a staple in all his movies. His distinctive style clearly shows he has a grasp on modern editing techniques and a surprisingly impressive eye for the visuals.

Have I mentioned that he's also a writer? That's right: the blockbusters he's directed were also written by him. Wright has teamed up with longtime friend Simon Pegg to co-write the zombie-comedy "Shaun of the Dead" and cop-buddy-action-comedy "Hot Fuzz". Wright's deadpan humor and dry British wit and sarcasm have been critically acclaimed thus far, and have launched his career as one of the finest merchants on the comedy block.

I will now use these three examples to illustrate why Edgar Wright Is a Director Who Doesn't Suck. To celebrate Scott Pilgrim vs The World's impending Blu-Ray and DVD release (November 9th, 2010), I'll start with that....

EDGAR WRIGHT DOESN'T SUCK REASON #1 - Scott Pilgrim vs The World

I'm downright mystified how this movie didn't do incredibly well at the box office. It should've been an absolute hit. Were Americans perhaps turned off by the strong visual presence of Toronto/Canada in the film? Did people think it was a film meant for hipsters? Makes no sense to me. The film is based on Bryan O'Malley's series of graphic novels (comic books to you idiots). In my humble opinion it has been the funniest, most furiously action-packed film of the year (yeah, I totally stole that line from the very first review on Rotten Tomatoes, but still - it's true), and one not just for the Nintendo generation, but for all. Yes - it may include comic books, video games, grunge rock and geek drama, but in the end it caters to everyone's needs strictly due to the fact that Edgar Wright made it that way: through his stylistic directing and hilarious quick-witted writing. It's probably the closest you'll ever see a comic book coming to life. Watch the damn trailer, and then pick up the Blu-Ray/DVD on November 9th:



EDGAR WRIGHT DOESN'T SUCK REASON #2 - Hot Fuzz

Hot Fuzz is a parody of the cop-buddy action films of the late 80's and early 90's. But here's the thing; despite being a parody and comedy film, it's actually a genuinely impressive action film. Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg are surely proud of "Hot Fuzz" strictly for its action sequences, as it holds nothing back and in fact delivers even more than most comparable modern flicks. And then of course there's the comedy aspect. It's clear that Wright studied the action genre endlessly, as his roast of the genre was brilliantly executed. Edgar Wright's crew and style have been compared to Judd Apatow's a lot of late, and if Apatow's attempt at making an action comedy was through Seth Rogen's "Pineapple Express", Wright's "Hot Fuzz" makes it look like a complete joke. Don't miss the violent blow-out of a finale. Here's the trailer.



EDGAR WRIGHT DOESN'T SUCK REASON #3 - Shaun of the Dead

Shaun of the Dead has the distinction of being not just the greatest zombie parody ever made - but also one of the best zombie movies of all time, period. Wright's epic zombie romantic comedy - or ZomRomCom, if you will - is not only a funny and inventive new take on the genre, but also a genuinely frightening, touching and, of course, gruesome addition to the genre on it's own. It manages to combine the slapstick comedy of Return of the Living Dead (another great ZomCom) with the social comedy found in a Romero film (the opening sequence depicting non-zombified Londoners dazedly going about their daily lives is both hilarious and startlingly accurate), and never allows itself to descend into true parody. It's funny, inventive and mocking, yes, but it's also a gripping tale on it's own, making it a legitimate film. And a funny and unique one at that. Aaaaaaaaand the trailer...



For Edgar Wright fans in Toronto, the man himself will be in the area on Friday November 5th. He'll be at the HMV on 333 Yonge St. (Yonge and Dundas) for an in-store signing celebrating the upcoming release of Scott Pilgrim vs The World. Later that night he'll be holding a Q&A and screening of Scott Pilgrim at the Bloor Cinema. All the info is HERE.

Cheers, darlings.

HANK WILLIAMS III: Hellbilly Honkey Punk - Posted By Liberty Valance

Certain names have become synonymous with country music: Cash, Rogers, Nelson, and Jennings are just a few. But none are so entwined with country music as the name "Williams". For three generations, the Williams family has been entertaining us with their personal brand of Country music. From the iconic Hank Sr, who penned more than one hundred and seventy-nine songs, down to his son, whose music was conventionally more mainstream, right on throughout to Shelton Hank Williams, better known as Hank III.

HANK III - DICK IN DIXIE


Hank III is definitely not his father’s son. While Hank Jr. embraced mainstream and "Pop Country" blending of country, rock, and blues, his son has absolutely not. Hank III's music is completely unique: he combines punk, metal, hardcore, rock and country to create a hillbilly hell ride for his fans.

Life hasn't been easy for Hank. Three years after a one-night stand in 1995, Hank Williams III was served paternity papers on stage while opening up for the legendary underground band Buzzov•en. In order to own up to his responsibility, Hank signed a deal with Curb records. Three Hanks: Men With Broken Hearts was issued shortly thereafter, splicing together recordings to make it seem that three generations of Williams men were singing alongside one another.

Hank has never had much love for Nashville, and the Nashville establishment will find little to love about Hank III's sixth album "Damn Right Rebel Proud" – especially since it opens with a proud middle finger to the institution that still denies his granddaddy membership (and didn't have much time for Johnny Cash, Johnny Paycheck or his own father Hank Jr., either). This has been a point of contention most of Hank's life, and although mainstream country has rejected him, Hank is still patient with anyone who stops him and asks about his family.

In March of this year, Hank released his eighth studio album, “The Rebel Within", is now touring, and will be in Toronto playing at the Opera House on June 4th. So shine your spurs, get out your best cowboy boots and get ready for a night of redneck revival.

HANK III - MAKING OF DAMN RIGHT REBEL PROUD

SONGS THAT YOUR MOM LIKES BUT DOESN'T KNOW ARE ABOUT SEX - By Alex James

Music is intentionally sexy. It's the sexiest thing in the world, apart from – well, sex. This isn't a point of contention with anyone – I mean, if The Mule can happily get it on to the likes of Tom Waits or Leonard Cohen, it's pretty clear there's something for everyone.

Everyone, that is, except my mom.

You see, my mom is like June Cleaver minus the dress and the necklace. She's just so gosh-darn wholesome it makes my teeth ache. Here's the trouble – she's a big music fan, loves to dance and sing along to songs she likes. Which is why it gives me a severe case of the giggling crazies to watch her exuberantly bounce around waving her hands in the air to a jam that is clearly about fuckin'. If only she realized it.

CHINA GROVE – DOOBIE BROTHERS


Man, my mom likes her some Doobie Brothers. The Doobs have the distinction of being one of those rock 'n' roll outfits that aren't quite blues, not really country, but not standard bubble-gum 70s rock either, and that really appeals to the sock-hop dance set. But according to my longtime correspondent Brent “Pop Culture Guru” Chittenden, “China Grove” shares something in common with “La Grange” or “House of the Rising Sun” in that it's about a brothel. Now I'll admit I didn't immediately get the connection, but there's certainly some raunchy stuff happening between the preacher and the teacher, who are ostensibly the talk of the town gossips – apparently the sewing circle isn't lying because when the sun gets to falling down, the insane preacher and schoolmarm Miss Perkins are definitely doing something brothel-worthy. Hooray for Texas.

CAT SCRATCH FEVER – TED NUGENT


Every good mom knows about cat scratch fever. It's a real illness that can afflict children if they're – go figure – scratched by a cat's nasty litter-encrusted nails. Typically it manifests as a rash and fever, which is not unlike many of the symptoms associated with what the Nuge's song is actually about: STDs. Okay, the argument can be made (and my mom made it) that the “fever” he's suffering is just the sheer force of his libido burning him up, but come on – it's the Nuge. You know he's had him some skeezy groupie lovin' that probably bequeathed onto him that delightful “burns when you pee” sensation – and no, I don't know what that feels like, so don't start. Though I have to admit, it's pretty impressive that a ten-year-old Ted had the wherewithal to go see a doctor after contracting it from the girl next door. Most kids don't even know what that equipment is for at that age. Then again, he did grow up in Detroit – take what you want from that.

TORN – NATALIE IMBRUGLIA


Remember Natalie Imbruglia? She was the really cute Australian girl who rose to prominence in the late 90s with her cover of this tune by the virtually-unknown Scandinavian outfit Ednaswap. Moms the world over loved Natalie for her pop-dance musical sentiments and the fact that there was absolutely nothing even remotely controversial about her. I mean, look at the girl. She's pretty, friendly, and Australian. There's no such thing as a mean Australian, is there? (I mean, apart from Mel Gibson, obviously). Anyway, it turns out this innocuous song is also about sex...sort of. It's about rape. Yeah. It took me ten years to figure out that gem of knowledge, and when I did, I never looked at the guy in the video the same way again. I don't trust men who are better-looking than me as a general rule, and now I have good reason. Remember ladies: just because he looks like a hunk of burning love doesn't mean he doesn't moonlight as Shifty McRapist, Predator At Large.

SHE BOP – CYNDI LAUPER


Anybody want to explain to me why this woman was popular, ever? Leaving aside the fact that in her prime she looked like some kind of haggard fairy cultivating a serious pixie dust habit and inhabiting my nightmares, her voice is enough to give my eardrums boils. And the saccharine, upbeat synth that typified pop music of that era (1984) always sets my teeth on edge, particularly when it's played ad nauseum at my thrice-remarried Aunt Edna's wedding reception, which is exactly when my mom starts really hitting the dance floor. Personally I hate dancing; it strikes me as the equivalent of very public, very exhibitionist masturbation, which in the case of Cyndi Lauper is a good thing because that's exactly what “She Bop” is about. It took me a while to figure that out because her voice is so processed (and so impossible to listen to naturally) it's hard to hear the lyrics, but they're there, all right: “picking up a good vibration”... “better stop or I'll go blind” (learned that little fact from Green Day myself, but I digress)...when you actually filter through the pop pabulum and listen to what she's saying it's unmistakable. Thankfully these days Cyndi has long since given up “messing with the danger zone” in favour of being mercifully obscure, but her shitty jack-off music lives on.

THE WANDERER – DION AND THE BELMONTS


Of all the songs on this list, the crowning jewel has to be this little ditty from one of those late-50s sock-hop bands that all sound the same to me. Dion and the Belmonts are in regular rotation at the James household, along with contemporaries Buddy Holly, Del Shannon, Bobby Darin and the Big Bopper. My mom loves this stuff, mostly as a function of being a child of the 50s. She always goes on about how music used to be so upstanding and decent, before the days when “that rap crap” introduced naughty words into recorded music. From now on, Dion and the Belmonts will stand as testament to my belief that people have always been filth-brained sex addicts, even in the pristine 50s. “The Wanderer” is basically a folk tale of a guy who goes from town to town, wooing and screwing and then vanishing before anybody can even nail down (har har) what his name is. They just call him, predictably, “The Wanderer”. In a world dominated by STDs (thanks Nuge) and support groups for people with commitment issues, this Wanderer guy would be strung up, but back in the 50s, as long as all the nookie took place off screen and nobody was shown sleeping in the same bed, I guess it was fair game. Wholesome like a fox, that wanderer.

WHAT DID WE LEARN?

My mom's not stupid; far from it. She's a very smart, very hip lady who's a joy to be around. But her brain just doesn't function the way mine does – that is to say, she doesn't see dancing boobies in every dark corner and gyrating hips on every billboard, and she certainly doesn't hear the nastiness I hear in music. But fair is fair, and there's no denying the limitless ability we have in making sure sex is as present in our tunes as it is everywhere else.

Except my bedroom, Mom – my girlfriend still sleeps on the couch, I promise. (She'll probably buy that.)

Alex James is the head writer at State of Affairs and can regularly be found playing Natalie Imbruglia records backwards hoping to hear her phone number

Girls WILL NOT Dance With You To These 90's Songs - By Alex James

Contrary to popular belief, I wasn't always this svelte, charismatic and downright cool. Not remotely. As a young teen I was the picture of the gangly, awkward, acne-ridden brain-on-legs with few social skills, fewer friends and absolutely no fashion sense. The glasses didn't help, nor did my Beaver Cleaver haircut. I was a model pariah, but as young men are wont to do, I still harbored hope that some pretty girl would take pity on me and join me on the dance floor of my junior high school for some pubescent, hormone-fueled, jerky-legged, stiff-armed slow dance action. Sadly it was not to be, and thanks to those devastating letdowns in my formative years, there are certain songs I can no longer listen to without my stomach filling with acid – all the accumulated knowledge and savvy of the intervening years fleeing from my mind like frightened gazelle on the Serengeti.

And since I'm a masochist, I'm willing to revisit those traumatic tunes for your enjoyment. Here they are, in no particular order.

LIVE - LIGHTNING CRASHES


Man, was this song ever big. In fact if you ask most people to name a Live song, this will be the one they name – and if you ask for a second Live song, they'll probably look at you blankly and start drooling. Too bad, because Live did all kinds of other great stuff, but I digress. I remember hearing this song for the first time at a seventh-grade Valentine's Day dance, and I was struck by how fundamentally unromantic placentas are, but it didn't stop me from saddling up and bravely asking a girl in my class to dance. She laughed at me. I left. Okay, next song.


OASIS - WONDERWALL


Oh, Oasis. I have a special place in my heart for this band, and this song in particular. Before you start shitting on my head I'm well aware they were never, are not, and likely will never be very good, but when you're thirteen years old, things like quality music pale in importance next to What's Cool, and boy, was Oasis ever the bee's knees back then. Wonderwall was definitely top-of-the-heap on that album, and it was played over and over at every party I went to that year. In a desperate effort to improve my personal “cool” factor I sat down and learned how to play it on guitar, at a time when my musical abilities didn't match my musical ambitions, and so I very likely made a fool of myself. But the worst had to be listening to it on repeat in my friend Tim's basement watching everybody else dance. I sat on the bed drinking Coke and cursing my missing balls.


AEROSMITH - CRAZY


This is kind of a weird addition to the list, I know, because even though Get A Grip was released in 1993, Aerosmith inhabited a genre that predated my generation considerably – not too many 13 year olds I knew were really into classic rock, but Aerosmith was a curiosity. Maybe it was because Mrs. Doubtfire was released the same year and everybody jumped on the “Dude Looks Like A Lady” bandwagon, but either way, “Crazy” wound up on regular rotation at school dances for several years. Looking back now it's really funny to consider how little we understood the lyrics to that song – I remember having an involved conversation about why she “ain't wearin' nothin' underneath that overcoat” - we all figured she'd be kind of cold if that were the case. Regardless, “Crazy” holds the record for the Soundtrack To The Most Turn Downs Ever in my books. Seventeen, if you wanted an exact number, you fucking sadists.


BUSH X - GLYCERINE


Also known as The Other British Band (right behind Oasis), Bush X's rock sentiments were more palatable to a lot of my contemporaries than the obvious Beatles knock-off pop offered up by Liam and Noel. But the album “Sixteen Stone” was notable for having an inordinate number of soft-rock ballads (i.e. more than one), and “Glycerine” was by far the most popular. It had everything: catchy four-chord rhythm, Gavin Rossdale's delightfully-gravelly voice singing vague lyrics about...well, about a girl, I think, though it could just as easily have been Jell-O based on the title, and even a string section. Perfect slow song. Sadly, I wouldn't know – this song was played at my eighth grade graduation, and that was one cluster-fuck of a celebration, let me tell you. The girl for whom I'd fostered a borderline-unhealthy crush-turned-obsession promised me a dance at the end of the night (gasp) and in my haste to run to the DJ and request this song, she wound up dancing with some meathead jock she would later go on to date through most of high school. Thanks a lot, Bush X.


BRYAN ADAMS - EVERYTHING I DO (I DO IT FOR YOU)


Everybody get your sick bags ready, because this is perhaps the most saccharine song on this whole list. For those of you not old enough to remember anything but the recent Olympics, I can assure you that once upon a time, Bryan Adams was indeed a superstar (insofar as a Canadian musician can be a superstar, anyway). His music was all over the radio, and throngs of teen girls would flail their arms and sing along with “Summer of '69” while being blissfully ignorant of the implied double entendre. This song was Bryan's biggest contribution to the soft-rock genre and went a long way towards defining him as an artist. Much to my chagrin, because at that time there wasn't a teenage boy alive who could hold a candle to his smug, self-satisfied, leather-jacket-wearing, coiffed-hair, muscly singer body, balls-to-the-wall sex appeal. Even if I had gotten a dance out of this ultimately depressing number (which would later go on to feature prominently in Remembrance Day ceremonies across the country, usually played over the battle montage from “Saving Private Ryan”), it's guaranteed the young lady wouldn't have been thinking of me. She would have been thinking of Bryan, and to be honest, I wouldn't have been able to blame her. Still can't, come to think of it.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, obviously – I could write a book about the abysmal failure that has been my romantic life over the last ten or fifteen years (and one day I just might!) - but I think you get the idea. Anybody else out there have a song they love to hate because of how shitty it makes them feel? Hit us back in the comment section – because misery loves company.

Alex James is the head writer at State of Affairs and can regularly be found repelling down tall buildings in the dead of night.

You Know It's Last Call When...

Well, it's Monday and let's face the fact that it's more than likely you had your fair share of debauchery at the local watering hole over the weekend. You may or may not remember but when the lights came on and everything spun before your eyes, chances are you wondered "Hey, what happened to the party? Where is everyone that once filled the bar? Could it be the day that music died?" Not to worry my friend, what you're hearing is none other than the sweet sound of "last call". In other words, it's your friendly neighbourhood bar staff's way of saying "goodnight," or "go home, you drunk." Now that it's Monday and you're sober (hopefully), what better way to remind yourself of the drunken mistakes you made on the weekend by sitting back half asleep in your chair and listening to some tunes you probably heard, but don't remember. With that, I present to you the 5 Songs You Most Likely Heard During Last Call on Saturday:


KING HARVEST - DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT




CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL - LONG AS I CAN SEE THE LIGHT




DONOVAN - HURDY GURDY MAN




MC5 - LET ME TRY




JOHNNY CASH - WALK THE LINE