Robin Hoods That Don't Suck

Posted By Liberty Valance

Ok, so every few years it seems that a Robin Hood movie or TV show takes up our valuable viewing time, and with tons of fantasy TV duds it’s like navigating a veritable minefield out there; you don’t want to step on a landmine. Enter the good folks at Turning Down the Suck to save your brain from the migraines caused by shitty entertainment. It’s our job to sort through all the crap, so you don’t have to. And so I present to you; Robin Hoods That Don’t Suck.

Errol Flynn in The Adventures of Robin Hood (Michael Curtiz, William Keighley - 1938):

Considered the definitive version, The Adventures of Robin Hood is one of the great swashbucklers. Robin is again portrayed as the Earl of Huntingdon, this time outlawed for standing up for the common man and Flynn brings his own brand of devilish charm as well as a lightness of touch no other actor has ever managed to bring to the role. The Adventures of Robin Hood also features a ravishing Maid Marian (Olivia de Havilland) and a superbly choreographed showdown between Flynn and veteran actor Basil Rathbone playing Sir Guy of Gisbourne. If you know anything about Errol, his off-screen passions; drinking, fighting, boating and sex, made his film escapades pale in comparison. His love life brought him considerable fame, three statutory rape trials, and a lasting memorial in the expression "In like Flynn". Later in life serious roles eluded him, his lifestyle had eroded his youthful good looks, his career declined. Few good roles came his way late in life, usually aging alcoholics, almost mirror images of the man himself. This is a chance to see him at his prime.



Richard Greene in The Adventures of Robin Hood (1955-58):

Richard Greene starred in this popular 50’s TV series, this time as Robin of Loxley. Robin returns from the Crusades to find his land has been stolen from him. After preventing the Sheriff’s men from gouging a poacher’s eyes out, Robin is framed for the murder of a Norman aristocrat. Taking refuge in the forest, he seeks out the outlaws hiding there. “The Adventures of Robin Hood” was one of the very first British productions to grace American airwaves and ran from 1955 to 1958 on the CBS network. A total of 143 episodes were produced. This Robin Hood was more wholesome than Flynn’s and used humorous skits to break up the somber subject matter. I still remember waking up early on Sunday and watching re-runs of this show, while eating my Cocoa Puffs. Great for the whole family.



Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964):

Called the “Rat Pack Robin Hood” Frank Sinatra's Rat Pack portrayal of gangster and racketeer Robbo in Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964). Teaming up with Dean Martin as Little John, Sinatra becomes a hero after donating cash to a local orphanage run by Bing Crosby. The sheer hilarity of setting the Robin Hood story against the prohibition era Chicago gang wars as a musical makes it a must see. Sammy Davis Jr’s song “Bang, Bang” always make me laugh every time I hear it.




Sean Connery in Robin and Marian (Richard Lester - 1976):

Great date movie here, fellas. Though the story told in Robin and Marian is unfamiliar to most audiences, it is actually quite faithful to several of the ancient Robin Hood legends. During the Crusades, Robin (Sean Connery) is still loyal to King Richard the Lionheart (Richard Harris), but even he has trouble adjusting to the monarch's ever-increasing paranoia and lunacy. After Richard's death, Robin returns to England, his first visit to his home turf in 20 years. He looks up his beloved Maid Marian (Audrey Hepburn, last seen in 1967's Wait Until Dark). The performances are hugely affecting. Connery has rarely been so fragile, while Hepburn matches him as Marian, now an Abbess and still angry with Robin for leaving her behind. Nicol Williamson is a wonderfully deadpan Little John, none so gentle, or as fierce, while Robert Shaw is a pragmatic Sheriff.




John Cleese in Time Bandits (Terry Gilliam - 1981):

Gilliam’s fantasy sees a boy called Kevin travelling through time with a group of dwarves. They arrive in Sherwood Forest to find a frightfully posh Robin Hood (Cleese) meeting the poor as if they were the guests at a Royal Film Premier. John Cleese is brilliant in everything. Need I say more?



Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (Kevin Reynolds 1991):

Popular 90’s blockbuster enhancing Kevin Costner’s box-office standing, but turning him from a cool leading man admired by men and women to the epitome of loser almost overnight. Director Kevin Reynolds and Costner had a prior collaboration on the underrated Fandango (1985), but their relationship soured during the filming of Prince of Thieves when Costner shut Reynolds out of the editing room. This marked the beginning of the end of Costner's career. The supporting cast is awesome, and Alan Rickman as the Sheriff of Nottingham is still, in my opinion, the best sheriff. His death scene is pure cinematic gold. I think everyone who grew up in the 90’s remembers the Bryan Adams hit (Everything I do) I do it for you. It was even spoofed on Family Guy.



Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves essentially reprises the opening of Richard Greene’s television show with Costner as a disinherited Robin of Loxley. Alan Rickman’s pantomime Sheriff steals the show and the gifted but abused Reynolds orchestrates some stirring action sequences.



Russell Crowe in Robin Hood (2010):

Ok, so I don’t really know a lot about this new Robin Hood, mostly what I could piece together from reviews on the net and press and how the actors promoted the film. I’m not a big stickler on historical accuracy when it comes to folk tales like Robin Hood or Camelot so when I’m reading a review and the writer's biggest critique is that they used anachronistic horse bridles or the wrong arrows, it really pisses me off. The last decent medieval film I saw was Pathfinder. When a guy rents a film set in the middle ages he wants two things, girls in plunging necklines and guys loping other guy’s heads off. Hopefully Ridley Scott's “Robin Hood” delivers in both categories. I’ll be watching it this weekend and will post a full review next week.

Why M. Night Shyamalan’s Movies Don’t Suck.

Posted By Liberty Valance

Now I know there's a lot of controversy surrounding this guy but hey, isn’t a little controversy once in a while a good thing? That’s right, I’m talking about Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan or M. Night Shyamalan as he is known professionally. Love him or hate him, one thing you must admit is that you’ve probably seen or at least heard of one of his movies. I mean, “The Sixth Sense” was nominated for 6 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Director and Best Original Screenplay. As of late, Mr. Shyamalan’s success has been less than stellar. None of the movies he’s been associated with since “Sixth” have even come close to reaching the mainstream success it did. Does that mean M. Night’s day is done? Is he forever banished to the land of suck? NO! M. Night’s movies do not suck. Here's why.

Color Pallet

M. Night Shyamalan has an amazing way of immersing us into the world of his movies. While watching, you feel less like you’re on the outside looking in, and more like you’re a silent member of the cast, standing just out of frame. One of the ways I think he accomplishes this is by his use of color.

In his classic The Sixth Sense, he intentionally inserts bright red objects to symbolize that something ominous is about to happen.

In “Unbreakable” it was neon green and purple...

And in “The Village," colors again play a major role, with red attracting the monsters, and yellow keeping them away...

He Writes His Own Stuff And Sticks To His Guns

In 2006, in spite of Disney (the studio for which he had made his biggest previous films) rejecting his script over content issues, M. Night commented that they "no longer valued individualism... no longer valued fighters." He released “Lady in the Water” on July 21^st with Warner Brothers Studio. All predictions indicated to M. Night that this movie was going to bomb; in fact, The New York Post wrote that the film was "dead in the water", criticizing Shyamalan as a "crackpot with messianic delusions." But he went ahead and did it anyway, following through on a promise he made to his children, that he would make their favorite bedtime story into a movie to share with other children. And for thumbing his nose at the industry and doing something to make his kids happy, he doesn’t suck.

His Scripts

Despite what you think about his skill as a director or an actor, you have to admit that his script writing skills are second to none. Despite whether or not the films received critical success, they were all superbly written. Aside from the “twists” he’s become famous for, M. Night has a way of creating characters that you can identify with. Whether it’s the security guard who knows deep down that he was meant for something more, the Father who loses his faith in the face of a horrible accident or the town leader who must reveal a hidden secret in order to save the man his daughter loves, something about his characters make us take a look inside ourselves and ask, what would I do in that situation, would I do the “right” thing?

The Cast

Love him or hate him, M. Night gets the best of the best to work with. From Hollywood royalty such as Mel Gibson, Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson to Joaquin Phoenix, Abigail Breslin, Bryce Dallas Howard, Adrien Brody, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Mark Wahlberg and John Leguizamo, it seems that Mr. Shyamalan has an uncanny way of assembling amazing people to work on his movies, even pushing actors out of their comfort zones ala Adrien Brody in “The Village," who plays a mentally handicapped man, or Bruce Willis stepping out of his tough guy persona to play a sensitive therapist in “The Sixth Sense." (Not to mention the fact that Bryce Dallas Howard is drop dead gorgeous and kind of looks like Christina Hendricks!)

So like I said earlier, whether you love him or hate him, most people have an opinion. Which, in a society where apathy seems to be spreading faster than Bird Flu, gives him a plus one in my Column. After a few not-so-successful trips to the box office, I have no doubts that “Devil” (the newest treat from Mr. Shyamalan) will be a hit. The story revolves around a group of people trapped in an elevator who realize that the Devil is among them. “Devil” is shaping up to be a who’s who guessing game filled with intrigue. Just watch out for the guy in the horns with the pitchfork and pointy tail. (SPOILER ALERT!)

Think you know who the Devil is? Put your clairvoyance to work and vote for your choice in the Poll on the Facebook page.

5 COMIC BOOKS THAT DON'T SUCK

Posted By Liberty Valance

Now normally I don’t do the lists that some of the other reviewers here seem to be partial to, but I thought I might take a break from the “norm” and try it on for size. With the misfortune of Heroes being canceled, and the timing of Season 4 out on DVD earlier this month My super hero meter is going volcanic, so with that in mind I present you “5 comic books that don't suck”.



For those of you who have been stuck under a rock for the last 5 years, comic books (or graphic novels, as us connoisseurs prefer to call them) are hot. Multimillion-dollar franchises, with merchandise spanning everything from sugary breakfast cereals to trademarked toothbrushes (they’re hedging their bets), Soda pop to bed sheets (come on, you all remember your Justice League or Super Friends sheets). But finding a good Comic (or GN) these days, among the muck and mire at your local comic shop, can be a real pain. Story arch’s are massive, sometimes spanning over dozens of issues, and the actual “start” of a particular story may be difficult to pin point. Along with that you’ll have pretentious comic store employees who probably hear “Do you have the new Scott Pillgrim” so many times a day they want to year their hair out. So I thought I’d make it a little easier for you and give you “cheat sheet”





1.Jonah Hex

Ok, so I know those of you who have seen the movie are going to crucify me but we’re only talking about the books here. Jonah Hex is a Western comic antihero created by writer John Albano and artist Tony DeZuniga and published by DC Comics. Hex is a surly and cynical bounty hunter whose face is horribly scarred on the right side. Despite his poor reputation and personality, Hex is bound by a personal code of honor to protect and avenge the innocent. This means Hex doesn’t always do the “right thing” and not always for the right reasons, but that’s what makes him great. In a world where “heroes” roles are usually so black and white, Hex is a man who’s all about the grey (pun intended), that and his only friends are death and the acrid smell of gun smoke, how bad ass is that? The series was canceled in ’85 and revived again in ’05 but I’m a fan of the original 70’s stuff, and when you read the showcase versions in black and white, it really reminds me of the old western serials that I remember watching with my dad on Saturday morning.



2.What Ever Happened to Baron Von Shock?

Rob Zombie has been one busy guy lately between Touring, producing movies and cartoons (El Superbeasto) he’s somehow found a way to produce a comic for Image entitled “Whatever Happened to Baron Von Shock? Now if any of you are familiar with Mr. Zombie's previous work you know he has a penchant for big breasted vivacious women, and blood, both of which I am also a huge fan of, so I may be a little biased in writing this, but I love Baron von Shock. It stars a Goofy Kid named Leon Stokes, who by a comedy of errors ends up guest hosting a late night “Elvira” inspired monster movie program, and chronicles the rollercoaster ride Leon partakes in when thrust in the public eye. If you like hard rock and cheap women then Baron Von Shock is for you.






3. The Walking Dead

Again, if you have not heard of “The Walking Dead”, you must be living under a rock. After the huge success of “Marvel Zombies”, writer Robert Kirkman decided to turn his attention to something a little less pie in the sky, a zombie apocalypse. What resulted is what many others and I would call the pinnacle in zombie fiction. Everything about “The Walking Dead” is amazing. From the deep, self-explorative and sometimes strangely Jungian plotlines, exploring the very nature of the human condition and what it means to be alive, not merely living, to the breathtaking artwork done by Tony Moore (#1-6) and Charlie Adlard (#7-present). If you love zombies, and I know you do, you’ll need to get this one in your collection ASAP.



4. Superman: Red Son

Now Red Son is not your average superman comic, it’s an elseworld production that posits the idea “what if, instead of Kansas, Kal-El’s pod landed in soviet Ukraine. Red Son challenges the established superman mythos, and does it head on, with the a skill only to be expected of a masterful writer like Mark Millar, while bringing back some of your old friends (bizzaro, Wonder woman, Green Lantern, and even Batman) in new, strange and compelling ways. Red Son is defiantly one of those books I think every comic fan should own, regardless if you’re a superman fan or not.







5. Ed Brubaker's captain America

Ed Brubaker has done for Captain America what Christopher Nolan did for Batman. Brubaker took “Cap” from the one liner spitting, Hitler punching, Nazi smashing, wing head of the 40’s through the 50’s, into a Deeper, brooding man who is haunted by his past and understands the weight of his actions, and what it means to the people who depend on him (though has trouble dealing with the magnitude). You get a since from reading that Steve Rogers is complicated man, and that years of wearing the cowl and shield have taken it’s toll on his body in more ways than one, and being Cap is more than a full time job, he’s more than just a soldier, he’s a symbol.

Honorable mention

Alien Vs Predator: Eternal

Despite the horrible failure of the movies to stay true to the source material, AVP has some great issues. One of my faves is AVP: Eternal in it A 700+ year old man's uses technology from a salvaged Predator ship to gain fame, fortune, and uses Predator body parts to unnaturally extend his life. A self-serving reporter gets caught up in his schemes trying attracting a Predator hunting party by releasing Aliens and setting off a tribal war in Africa with the assination of a public figure. It combines Action, Suspense, Sci-fi, and Political intrigue. If you can get your hands on this four parter I suggest you do.